Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead

　　無神論的女同性戀，卻誤打誤撞成為了天主教堂的員工！？
 
　　「本書中，笨拙、焦慮、無助，卻心懷溫暖的女主角，正是我們需要的。」—紐約時報暢銷作家Courtney Maum
 
　　Gilda，二十幾歲、無神論者，是個愛好小動物的女同性戀者，腦中總是無法停止去想像、思考關於「死亡」這件事。被這個老是焦慮的心情，還有家人之間的冷漠搞到快崩潰，只好硬著頭皮跑去傳單上的天主教堂，參加免費的心理診療。沒想到神父Jeff以為她是來應徵工作的，尷尬的場面讓Gilda實在不敢糾正這個錯誤。於是下一秒，這個打從基本設定上，就跟「天主教」犯沖的Gilda，就陰錯陽差地取代了剛過世的Grace，變成教堂心理診療的接待人員了。
 
　　每天除了要努力背誦天主教彌撒那些快把她搞昏的句子，一邊還得掩蓋交了新女友的事情，連同家裡高高疊起的髒盤子，Gilda除了焦頭就是爛額。在這些雜事之間，還有一件很小，卻始終懸掛在心上的事，那就是她發現有位前員工Grace的朋友，不斷透過教堂的電子郵件與Grace保持聯繫。Gilda不忍忽略這位善良的老太太，又不忍揭露Grace過世的真相，只好假扮起Grace跟對方通信。一直到警察發現Grace的死亡似乎有疑點，準備重新調查。這一刻，Gilda認知到，紙終究是包不住火的⋯⋯

　　(文／博客來編譯)

　　This hilarious and profound debut for fans of Mostly Dead Things and Goodbye, Vitamin, follows a morbidly anxious young woman—“the kindhearted heroine we all need right now” (Courtney Maum, New York Times bestselling author)—who stumbles into a job as a receptionist at a Catholic church and becomes obsessed with her predecessor’s mysterious death.
 
　　Gilda, a twenty-something, atheist, animal-loving lesbian, cannot stop ruminating about death. Desperate for relief from her panicky mind and alienated from her repressive family, she responds to a flyer for free therapy at a local Catholic church, and finds herself being greeted by Father Jeff, who assumes she’s there for a job interview. Too embarrassed to correct him, Gilda is abruptly hired to replace the recently deceased receptionist Grace.
 
　　In between trying to memorize the lines to Catholic mass, hiding the fact that she has a new girlfriend, and erecting a dirty dish tower in her crumbling apartment, Gilda strikes up an email correspondence with Grace’s old friend. She can’t bear to ignore the kindly old woman, who has been trying to reach her friend through the church inbox, but she also can’t bring herself to break the bad news. Desperate, she begins impersonating Grace via email. But when the police discover suspicious circumstances surrounding Grace’s death, Gilda may have to finally reveal the truth of her mortifying existence.
 
　　A delightful blend of warmth, deadpan humor, and pitch-perfect observations about the human condition, Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead is a crackling exploration of what it takes to stay afloat in a world where your expiration—and the expiration of those you love—is the only certainty.

Emily R. Austin was born in Ontario, Canada, and received a writing grant from the Canadian Council for the Arts in 2020. She studied English literature and library science at Western University. She currently lives in Ottawa. Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead is her first novel.